OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hippo gnu deer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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