Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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