All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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