Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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