Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
