Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's just so happy...and so naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
