My brain says no but my pants say off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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