he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
