Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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