I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
