he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just blew my weed a kiss
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
