Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize