he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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