I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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