I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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