All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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