I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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