Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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