we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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