How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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