I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize