I didn't shave. On purpose
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize