This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
