So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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