So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to make out with him forever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
