let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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