dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
