so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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