I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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