I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
