the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
