I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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