I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize