Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
