Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
