i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
