WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
