yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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