do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
