Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
