Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
