either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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