Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
