eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
