it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
