my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize