Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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