as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize