Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
