I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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