He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do vagina's smell?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
