Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
