last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize