it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
