found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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