I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had sex on a roof
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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