Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
