the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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