i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
