I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
