When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
