So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
