I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
