so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
