Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
