i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
