your thong is hanging out like whoa
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
