I wish I could teleport
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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