one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
