my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
