I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
