O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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