I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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